How To Endure Tons of Pain. And Survive.

I found this Instagram post today from before my first back surgery, when I was in a tremendous amount of pain, barely able to walk, and still working full–time. Oy, it hurts just thinking about what a maniac I was.

The point of this: I want to always remember what I had to go through to get where I am today. It is ever moving, humbling, and an evergreen testimony to how incredible the human body is, and how much my body has always had my back (pardon my weird pun.)

Me this morning. Officially 13 weeks now since I last lifted weights. (Last gym workout was April 27th, leg day, when this all began.) At first, I was still able to rollerblade and do yoga. For the last 6 weeks though, I've been completely sedentary, other than some swimming. Crazy, right?!?! Never in my life would I have believed I would ever go this long without exercise. But I am so thankful, as this experience is teaching me to be more empathetic for the pain of others, both old and young, it is teaching me to slow down and seek balance, and to live in the present moment.

I am SO GRATEFUL, for all the wonderful people and love that are in my life. I know now God/Source/Universe had been sending other, more gentle clues that it was time to make some changes. But I just kept ignoring them. I pushed through the pain, so much pain, for so many years, because that's what society rewards us for doing, right? I never took a break, I never slowed down, and I never sought any balance. I was wrong for this.

And I am so grateful to be given a second chance. When the pain is mind-splitting, ferocious and unbearable, I repeat different mantras to myself. "I love you. Everything will be okay." I sound crazy, for repeating out loud that I love myself, lol. But I share in the hope that someone else going through pain might read this and maybe it could help. "The Universe is always working in my best interest." I was saying this one in the shower yesterday while trying to shave my legs. I was down on all fours because I can't bend down, and it was almost a comical "LOL" moment! "

I can handle any level of pain, b/c there are lessons to be learned in this moment." Repeat this in my head when Ubering, because I have to be on all fours (again.) It's too painful to sit. This is personal and vulnerable stuff I know, & probably makes me sound totally nutty, but maybe it will help someone out there 💚